Who's Win Was it Anyway?

According to MapQuest, I'm 589 miles and more than 9 hours from Jenn.

Actually, although the distance is correct, the time is really more like 2 1/2 hours, by air. I'm currently sitting in the Kansas City "International" Airport, enjoying a frosty beverage, waiting for my flight to start boarding. I've been here the last two weeks and I'm more than ready to get back home.

As luck would have it, these weren't the best weeks to be away from Jenn. We're a little more than week in to her new membership website (http://www.mysoulmatesolution.com/) being up and running and she had a big speaking engagement last Wednesday. And I feel horrible that I haven't been there to support her in person.

A great part of our relationship is the true joy we take in each other's accomplishments. Jenn says she never sees me light up the way I do when we're celebrating one of her successes. And I'd have to agree with her.

I'm always so proud of her when she accomplishes something that she's been working hard for. Whether it's being quoted in Cosmo, being featured in 5280 (a popular local glossy magazine), appearing as an expert in MSN Dating or in Happen (Match.com's e-zine) articles, being interviewed on TV or launching a truly revolutionary dating coaching site, I take great pride in all of Jenn's successes.

She is an amazing woman who is absolutely passionate about her role as a dating and relationship expert. To see her succeed after so many years of hard work gives me as much or more joy than I would feel if I was the one who accomplishing so much.

I am so proud of Jenn for chasing her dream and working so hard to build her vision. And I'm grateful to be along for the ride, sharing in all of her accomplishments.

Readers: How do you celebrate your partner's wins?

An Irish Blessing for You

I'm super Irish, with the white skin and matching freckles- so to celebrate good ole St Patrick- I'm sharing with you this Irish blessing.

We wrapped up our wedding ceremony last year with it- so it's a favorite!

A Blessing from St. Patrick

May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

May the rains fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

And so too, for love.

May you be blessed to have these winsome conditions on your journey of the heart!

Indeed, you can make it so!

Bless your love, every single day.

Readers: Please share how you bless your love!

Serving with Love: A Doggy Tale

Lately, too many times, I’ve found our greyhound, Ice, piled in a quivering heap on the floor, desperately trying to get up, with his back legs not quite cooperating the way they did when he was a youth.

Yup, there’s no doubt about it, Ice is getting old.

There’s a hitch in his giddy-up when he runs. And he doesn’t get up and down stairs the way he used to.

In fact, there is a big step in our garage and every time he goes up it, you have to support his hind end with a little pick up. And when he goes to get up after lying down awhile, or over night, he appreciates it if you help an old man out.

Now, I think I’ve said this before. But I am not a dog person. It’s those soft, cute kitties and that purring sound that makes my heart all melty inside. And Ice is Greg’s dog.

Ice and the Beagle, they came with Greg- a package deal.

So “loving” Ice hasn’t come, shall we say, naturally. In fact, I’ll admit it.

There are times when I am self-absorbed in work, and the needs of the dogs, seem, well, annoying. “What? You need some love, RIGHT now?” Or, “Good lord, must you get outside just this minute?”

I know what you are thinking, “Thank goodness she doesn’t have kids”- and believe me, I agree.
So, it’s been interesting to note how I’ve taken to all of this “little extra care.”

Actually, I’ve been surprised to find that whenever I lift him up, I do it with, well, love. I see he needs help, and I extend myself to offer it to him.

As I place my hands under his legs, I feel it, right there, a warm bit of tender, loving care, emanating from my heart to him. I’m doing it to help. I’m doing it to make his life easier. And I’m doing it because, it’s the right thing to do, of course.

But it feels nice to offer it, to be of assistance, even in a small way. But most especially, to offer it with real love, not begrudgingly, and not just with neutrality, but with warmth in my heart. Tenderness, given without expectation of any return.

Like a tiny little gift each time, I am serving him, but there is a reward for us both.

As I’ve been pondering the WAY in which I’ve been offering assistance to Ice, it struck me that it’s the same choice we can make to help our partners, with the things that otherwise we find annoying.

Let’s take that ever increasing line of travel mugs that Greg takes to work to support his coffee habit. They have a way of piling up next to the sink, waiting for someone to take pity on them, and wash them out. I hate doing it, so I let them gather there. And Greg usually washes them.

Or the toilet bowls, which quite frankly, don’t wash themselves either. And Greg hates cleaning them, so he never does.

These are choice moments. The kind of choices that make the difference between love that lasts a lifetime and love that peters out before the 7 year itch.

Can I choose to wash his mugs or clean the toilets, with the same love in my heart that I pick up Ice with, knowing that each is like a tiny gift to Greg- something that makes his life easier?

In fact, I’ve already been doing the toilets like that. Yes! The toilets are a gift to Greg! But we can always take it a step farther…and for me, it’s those darn mugs.

I need to start picking each of those mugs up, seeing it as an opportunity to serve Greg, in a tiny, warm way. I can wash that mug with love, with tenderness in my heart, seeing it as a small offering, a small gift of assistance. Or I can continue to see each mug as an annoyance- which irritates us both.

You have that choice too! With every sock you pick up, with every meal you cook, every shirt you fold, every trash can you take out, every toothpaste cap you have to put back on.

You can turn any annoyance into a small gift, by choosing to serve in love, with warmth in your heart. All it takes is seeing it as an opportunity to give willingly to your partner, simply because it feels good to help out. And your bond is strengthened, right then and there.

That’s how love lasts a lifetime, one mug lovingly cleaned at a time, one sock tenderly picked up, one errand sweetly undertaken in higher service, not only to our partner, but to our love.

I’m glad Ice is teaching me this lesson deeply now, because I am sure that ever greater acts of kindness will be needed as he ages, as Greg and I, also grow older.

Thank you Ice for training my heart to give in service to love.

Readers: What annoyance can you shift into an opportunity to serve kindly, in love?

Dragon Power

Greg’s been carrying a little green, stone Dragon in his pocket these days. And it makes me smile. In fact, it makes me feel loved.

See, recently I learned about the concept of Power Animals.

Popular among many ancient traditional societies, including the Native American tradition, power animals are said to look after and guide us on our earthly walk.

The story goes that each of us has a power animal from the time of our birth. And from their place in the spirit realm, our power animal, also known as an animal totem, teaches and protects us.

Whether or not you believe in the literal idea of having a power animal, playing with the concept of animal-as-guide can still be a powerful experience, helping us step into our strength in times of need.

Well, needless to say, Greg, Mr. Accountant, doesn’t believe in the spiritual idea of power animals, but I had an image of him as a child with a playful dragon.

So I suggested that he might consider adopting the dragon as his power animal. He could draw on the fiery-ness of the dragon to help him step into his power and assert his needs- he’s a bit of a softie! He agreed- sort of.

A few weeks later, we visited a gem and mineral shop and I encouraged him to select a Dragon to give him a physical reminder of his new power animal. In the picture, you can see the diminutive green dragon he chose.

Now, this is one tiny dragon, and you’d think he’d be easily lost, or soon tossed aside, amid a pile of household junk.

But, no, Greg’s been carrying his Dragon in his pants pocket. Every day to work. And sometimes even to the ski slope. And at night he carefully sits in a brass turtle in our closet, awaiting the next day’s adventure.

Sometimes, he’ll even take the Dragon out of his pocket and have me give it a little kiss.

This all warms my heart. Why?

Because he took an idea that wasn’t at all personally appealing to him and he ran with it, just because I asked him to.

Because he took the idea farther than I ever expected him to. I even sometimes get emails from "My Prince and his Dragon."

Because he’s been so loving to that tiny little stone Dragon- showing that he’s now adopted the idea of the Dragon’s worth for his own.

I asked Greg why he’s been carrying Dragon and he told me because it’s like having a little good luck charm along for the daily ride- and it helps him be fierce and fire-breathing when necessary.
Sort of like a trustworthy companion, I guess.

The way I feel when our dog Ice accompanies me on pony poop cleaning duty, or even the way I feel now about seat belts- when I’m strapped in, it just feels right- safe and protected. But when I forget, I feel naked and vulnerable. A bit less invincible. Without the confidence that comes when you carry a little dragon that reminds you, that you can indeed, breathe fire.

And it all clarifies for me, that this is the beautiful give and take that makes up a wonderful love.

When you stretch yourself just a little because your partner asks, and soon you find a new enjoyable dimension to yourself that you didn’t realize was there. And you may never have found, if it weren’t for your partner.

In the end, that’s how we grow as people, as partners, in love, one little stretch, together, at a time. Until our combined worlds encompass more than we ever dreamed possible. Including even little imaginary-fire breathing dragons.

Readers: How has a partner inspired you to stretch, only to find a new, enjoyable part of yourself?

Birthday Wishes

Last Monday was our 1st wedding anniversary. And yesterday was Greg’s 38th birthday.

I never got to meet Greg’s Mom because she was killed by a drunk driver when he was 17 years old.

I’ve longed to meet her so that I could thank her for giving the gift of Greg to the world, and especially to me!

What would I thank her for exactly?

For raising a son in this culture who is:

- So generous with his time and attention to others

- So thoughtful of others needs
- So affectionate, emotionally available, and loving
- So conscientious and responsible
- So trustworthy and reliable
- So sweet and endearing
- So dependable and loyal
- So supportive and uplifting
- So willing to learn and grow
- So able to be an equal, 50-50% partner in a relationship
- So willing to go above and beyond whatever is called for

I’d give her a great big hug and tell her she must have been the best mom ever to have raised such an amazing man!

For all of these reasons and many more, I am the luckiest girl alive.

Every day I marvel at how easy and joyful love can be when you have a wonderful partner who’s a great fit for you.

From this deep gratitude grows my mission to help everyone find their own soulmate love.

So Happy, Happy Birthday Greg.

I am so grateful you were born yesterday, 38 years ago.

You have been the biggest gift of my lifetime.

And I look forward to celebrating every one of your birthday’s together till we are old and grey and sitting in a porch swing, cuddled up, still so grateful for the joy our love has brought us!

You are my sun, my moon, and my stars- lighting my way with ever-lasting love.

You are my angel.

And I love you.

Thank you for being you.

First Anniversary Love

Well, one year ago today, I was standing in the warm, waining sunlight of a gorgeous Miami day under a white gazebo. The bay was behind me and I was dressed in a brand new navy blue pinstripe suit.

Friends and family were gathered around from far flung areas of the country and my beautiful bride was standing just inside the french doors of the Mediterranean-style house we had rented for the week.

Before long, Me and You by Kenny Chesney began playing and Jenn started her long walk down the aisle. Or more accurately down the stairs, across the tennis court and through the lawn to me where she sang the last verse of the song and spun me at the end. Definitely not your traditional wedding!

But what else could I expect from Jenn?

Jenn is nontraditional in almost every sense of the word. She's a psychologist who practices as a dating coach starting a membership site to help singles. She grew up outside of Boston but listens to Country music. She's a cute girlie-girl who drives a big pickup truck. And she's a person who sees things in varying shades of grey who married a man who sees everything in black and white.

But all of this is what makes Jenn so special. She's always challenging me to see things differently. To open my eyes and see different possibilities. To leave my black and white world and step in to her's, in all of it's technicolor wonder.

And all of this helps me to be a better, more rounded person. And I simply can't thank Jenn enough for that. For putting up with me and my stubborn streak. For continually pushing me, even when I push back. For helping me expand my point of view, even when it's uncomfortable for me to do so.

Jenn is making me a better person and I hope I am doing the same. Every day I love her more and more and our relationship gets better and better and I'm thankful for that, most of all.

Delighted In

Do you know what it's like to be delighted in?

It's an amazing feeling of being cherished and adored. And yes, delighted, as it tickles the inside of your heart with smiling love.

We delight in small children, we delight in pets- causing them to feel so enjoyed, so loved. We sometimes even delight in the wonders of the natural world. That comes naturally to most people.

But once we grow up- it's not often we get the gift of being truly delighted in. We forget to experience the wonder of each other.

So, to delight in your partner? Now, that's a beautiful, deep gift.

Greg has been especially loving lately.

It's not something you can fake.

It's in his warm eyes, the way he looks at me, when he tells me how much I mean to him.

It's in his broad smile, and the twinkle in his eyes, when he clearly is simply delighted by something silly I've done.

There is not enough delight in our adult life. And surely not enough delight between us adults.

So when Greg gives me the gift of being delighted in, it touches the very depths of my soul, reaffirming just how worthy I am to give and receive love.

That's what delighting in does for the receiver- it affirms your very worth.

Not that you need to know from someone else that you are worthy- because we all just ARE worthy. That's our natural state.

But the people in our lives serve as mirrors- and when that mirror shines pure delight- it's a grateful reminder that:

Yes, I am loved.
Yes, I can bring pleasure to those around me.
And yes, everything is right in the world!

That's something I didn't get enough of long ago, but when your partner offers it freely, it heals ancient wounds, bringing you back to your original state of greatness, where you can bask in the glowing light of love.

Dearest Greg, thank you so much for delighting in me. It may be one of the most precious gifts of all.

I hope you know how much delight you bring to me.

How can you, dear reader, give the gift of being delighted in to someone you love today?

Readers: Please share your own experiences of being delighted in!